smacking wave



"Inhale the future, exhale the past."
  - Note-on-anonymous-fridge
 And a preference for inhaling the present, 

Spring. That's nearly 2 weeks I put on 10 years
 and a few toxic bit.ter kilos. The mirror tastes of stale terror.
S.B.* "ombudsman" in town to meet anyone but me : 
 more loneliness-without-holiness patience 
 to experience, no choice.
Quiet and efficient for short life ways too,
 the shame to be so shamed, but it's best to live on after the
Maybe, Maybe not
 and to be left alone in the dark as a memory-lost geriatric
 with no rights, means or sense.
Part of what is 'me' is sleeplessly dying to be able to keep on living
 without my beating heart becoming
 a.not.her hard disillusioned chickpea.
(*S.B. stands for Sadismus Budismus, 
       just like H.H. stands for other experiences and experiencers.) 

 "Holding on to anger is like drinking 
   and expecting the other person to die."
  - The Buddha (quite seemingly)
Beyond this smacking wave, again,
 a soothing ocean of wise compassion
 is looked for before there is no 'me' left 
 to feel and taste.
Numbness can't be tranquility and peace
 in the palace of the open blue sky.