No heart, no heartbreak.


“Few can remember
clearly when innocence came
to a sudden end,
the moment at which we ask
for the first time: Am I loved?”

W. H. Auden — from “Marginalia”


The first time I can’t remember.

Doing good, doing well,
few things match a heartfelt ‘thank you’, ‘sorry’.

Many are fed up of charity-trippers and their baloney kind regards, so am I.
Yesterday and today, probably just like tomorrow,
Home lost, within too.




Like eating (mute) glass – painted in 2007, depicts moments when one wishes that ‘long gone nightmares are just nightmares’ to really be in a past dream in which no one played with someone (in love – focusing on love). Not much of a play. Just a betrayal nightmare. Not the feeling that someone wasn’t being true lingering all over the place. Right from the start, or nearly, and nearly killing, leaving someone skinned and very much needing help, already too much. One of those cases in which one can’t possibly say ‘thank you’ anymore but decides to be brave. Is it?

“When a man has borrowed a lot of money, he will never have a moment’s peace until he has repaid his debt. So it is with all the work that our ego-clinging has given us to do; it has left negative imprints on the alaya similar to promissory notes. When our karma fructifies and ‘’payment’’ is demanded, we have no chance for happiness and enjoyment. All this is because, as it says in the teachings, we do not recognize ego-clinging as our real enemy.”

– Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche


Why cling on to the pain? What goes around, comes around, no need to worry or hurry so much, even more so if nothing can be done about it anymore but to let it go.

A heart could still be seated. A heart could still be seated. A heart could still be seated.




Published by chameleoniantimes

Chameleonian Times, works by Helene Vanderhulst

%d bloggers like this: